I changed my mind. This is no longer my slice of the American Dream pie. It is now just a place for me to bitch.

Friday, July 08, 2005

The SMURFs were Communist!


Yes, it is true. That adorable cartoon we all enjoyed as children was a front for the communist. Don't believe me...Well, I have done almost 15 minutes of research on the subject. Here are the clues:

The Smurfs lived in a commune. No one Smurf owned the land in their Smurf village. They ate in a large communal mess hall. Farmer Smurf never sold his crops, they were put into large storage mushrooms and distributed equally to all the Smurfs.

Every Smurf was assigned a specific task. Farmer Smurf, Baker Smurf, Painter Smurf, Handy Smurf everyone had one task that they did not deviate from. (In one episode they all tried switching jobs and it was a disaster.) As Marx said, "From each according to his ability, to each according to his need."

The Smurf children were raised by "the village". As in any idea communist state, the Smurflings are not taught and raised by their parents, but by everyone in the community. In the perfect Communist state it is not even known who the parents are...Like in the Smurf village.

The "father" had a beard and wore red. Papa Smurf looked like Karl Marx (mostly because of the beard) and wore red pants and hat. All other Smurfs wore the exact same outfit. Even the name SMURF is an acronym for Socialist Man Under a Red Father.

The enemy was a capitalist. Gargamel was the quintessential Marxist vision of a capitalist. He was greedy. He wanted to capture the Smurfs and boil them into gold...For his own profit at the expense of the Smurf commune.

Crazy am I? Well, better safe than sorry, and better dead than red. I don't know about the rest of you, but I care about America. I will be destroying my rather extensive collection of Smurf underroos, Smurf cups, Smurf jammies, and all of my plastic Smurf characters. USA! USA! USA!

5 Comments:

Blogger Nicholas Woodrich said...

Communist? Hardly. That's called teamwork.

7:40 AM

 
Anonymous Blaine said...

So THAT'S what Gargamel wanted to use the smurfs for? I always thought he wanted to eat them or something. And FYI if you name your kid Baker Smurf you're really kind of choosing their profession for them. Like naming your daughter Vixen or Starla or Crystal.

8:01 AM

 
Blogger Michael David Petrovich said...

You are correct, Blaine. Gargamel did want to eat them in the later seasons. But for the first 5 or so he wanted to turn them into gold..At least that is what the Internet says.

8:11 AM

 
Blogger The married girl said...

I have heard all of this somewhere before, and you thought you were original...

8:41 AM

 
Blogger Michael David Petrovich said...

I never said this was original. As I state in the blog, I had to do research. But we need to get this information out there lest another generation grow up to be a bunch of Commies.

8:53 AM

 

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