I changed my mind. This is no longer my slice of the American Dream pie. It is now just a place for me to bitch.

Friday, July 08, 2005

Blaine's Top Ten List - Volume 1

Has anyone seen the preview for Pauly Shore's new show "Minding the Store"? It looks pretty good, right? Anyway, it got me thinking about how I always liked Pauly Shore and how I was sad to see his career end so soon... before it's time, as it were. So in that spirit I decided to present a list of the actors and/or actresses who I feel left the spotlight before their time. I present:

The Top 10 Actors/Actresses I'd Like to See Make a Comeback:

1. Fred Savage. Victim of childhood stardom. Did you see him in Austin Powers 3, though? Still cute as a button. Please come back to us, Fred Savage. We won't make any more Wonder Years jokes.

2. Mark-Paul Gosselaar. Anybody who started his career as Zack Morris deserves to be acting in fuckin' Shakespeare or something. Since then he starred in one of the most underrated movies of all time (Dead Man on Campus) and then had an all-too-short stint on NYPD Blue. Time for the big time, Zack!

3. Chris Klein. Omaha's native son. Started strong with Election and American Pie before chosing to act in such gems as Say it Isn't So and Rollerball. Currently holding the title of "The one who got out before the ship went down" in the whole Katie Holmes situation.

4. Richard Grieco. Starred in 21 Jump Street with Johnny Depp, then made another great underrated movie (If Looks Could Kill). I don't know what he's been doing since then. I think he had a cameo in A Night At the Roxbury... now I think he's dead or something.

5. Dana Carvey. I don't have any idea why Dana Carvey's career didn't take off like Mike Myers' did. Dana was in Wayne's World, Mike was in Wayne's World. Dana makes excellent movies like Opportunity Knocks and Clean Slate, Mike makes excellent movies like So I Married an Axe Murderer and Austin Powers. For some reason it just didn't happen for poor Dana.

6. Ralph Macchio. Mr. Karate Kid himself? How the hell did his Hollywood career not take off? He was in My Cousin Vinnie. I think he actually deserved the Oscar instead of Marisa Tomei. Since then he's been washing cars down on 51st and Broadway.

7. Macaulay Culkin. Another child star. Perhaps the most famous child star burnout of all time. He had it all, man. A top-ten grossing movie at the age of 3, followed by drugs, hookers, sucking some trucker's cock in the stall of an IHOP. Beautiful stuff, man. Recently he was in Saved!, and let me tell you... if you haven't seen it, you're missing out.

8. Corey Feldman/Corey Haim. I know, I know... I got going on the childhood stars and I just couldn't stop. But come on! The Coreys? How can they NOT be on this list? Don't tell me you wouldn't go see a new Feldman/Haim movie. Everyone in America would. It would bring the house down.

9. Kelly LeBrock. I figure I have to include a woman on this list so as not to seem sexist. And she merits mentioning just because she was in Weird Science... the sexiest movie of all time. After that she was in Hard to Kill with Steven Seagal. I swear that guy ruins the lives of everybody he comes into contact with. DAMN YOU SEAGAL!!!! DAMN YOOOOUUUU!!!!

10. Ben Affleck. This one just broke my heart. How could he fall so far so fast? I mean he was in Dazed and Confused, Mallrats, 200 Cigarettes.... I'm still a little shaken up by his disappearance. I mean, if HE could fall out of the limelight, who's next? I don't even want to think about it.

So that's who I could think of off the top of my head. Note that Pauly Shore was left off the list. I figure being the impetus for this post is honor enough. May we see all of these fine thespians again very soon.


Blogger The married girl said...

Im so glad you put the Cory's on the list. Cory Feldmen had his band "The Cory Feldmen Band" and was on the one show, The Surreal Life. But what about Cory Haim, he was the cute one, and dont even get me started about Lost Boys, so HOTTTT! Such a shame.

9:02 AM

Blogger Nicholas Woodrich said...

Ralph Macchio was just on an episode of Entourage. He looked pretty old. Kinda sad. He was so fresh faced in Karate Kid 1-3. Although he did look very strange in the The Next Karate Kid. Hmm, what's that you say? That was Hilary Swank? Dammit.

9:39 AM


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